I TOLD MY WIFE WHENEVER I SLEPT WITH ANOTHER LADY- CHARLY BOY. (PHOTO).

 I told my wife whenever I slept with another lady – Charly Boy

Veteran singer and activist, Charles Oputa, aka Charly Boy, speaks with NAOMI CHIMA about his life, marriages, the state of the nation and other issues

Over the years, you have been actively involved in activism. As you continue to age gracefully, are you concerned about the future of activism in Nigeria and whether there will be individuals who can carry the torch as passionately as people like you did?

First, I don’t like the word, ‘activism’, because it has been so abused and overused. I am just a person who sees things differently. I would rather be called a ‘social engineer’. I am trying to re-tweak the minds of young people. I have always maintained that the salvation of this country lies in the hands of the youth. In my lifetime, I have met more than a few outstanding young people I will always be proud to say that I learnt from. Some of them have even made me to think differently.

I know they can bring about change if they get themselves together; and that is part of my job. ‘Area Fada’ is not just a nickname; but a way of life.

On what steps should be taken to ensure continuity of activism in the country, I am doing what I can, and I am not the only one engaged in this social re-engineering of the Nigerian youth. There are many of us doing the same thing; so, it is already happening. I don’t have to wait, or go looking for who to teach or mentor. All I need to do is to keep encouraging them, because I know  they have the power. They have the numbers, but the journey of a thousand miles starts with a step. Nigeria is not going to be fixed overnight. That is why they should see it as a battle between light and darkness, and between hopelessness and their destiny. If they can think along those lines, I am here to give them guidance.

What makes your brand of activism unique?

I think a lot comes with age and personality. I have no reason to be alive today. I am only alive by God’s grace. God prepared me for something special. My mother carried me in her womb for 11 months, instead of the regular nine months. So, I know that I am not ordinary, and I don’t follow trends. I walk my own path. That is why some people say I am controversial; because, I speak the truth and I’m brutally honest about who I am. I don’t care what anybody thinks about me. I have no shame in my ‘game’; not after 10 children and 16 grandchildren. I already know who I am. That is why I cry sometimes, because of the injustice in Nigeria. The only reason I have not finally gone mad is because I don’t keep anything bottled up inside me. I share the little I know with people who are looking for knowledge. I don’t go to sleep carrying anything in my mind. I think that is what explains my youthfulness, aside from exercising.

Do you agree with the belief that for a marriage to last, it is primarily the woman who holds it together?

Like they always say, it takes two to tango. There’s what I call ‘demarcation of duties’. Everybody should know their position.

Longevity in marriage does not rely solely on the woman. But, I believe that women are the stronger sex. I believe that as God created them to love and nurture, they have the upper hand. But, for an irresponsible man, it would be quite difficult. For a man who is not on the same page with the woman, keeping the marriage will be difficult.

Why do you feel that women are the strongest sex?

I don’t believe that women are the weaker vessels. In terms of physical strength, men are stronger. But, in terms of emotional strength and nurturing, I believe that women are far stronger than men. In the past, I used to hear it said that men should not cry. But, I don’t subscribe to that; because I cry when things affect me.

In what ways has your wife contributed to the longevity of your marriage that has lasted over 46 years?

My wife has been a very good friend. She totally understands me. Even if I make mistakes, or sleep with somebody outside, I would tell my wife.

How does your wife react when you tell her you had an affair with another woman?

All I can say is that we have a good understanding. Yes, I had made a couple of mistakes in the past. I am not that righteous, but I am a committed person, and I know the things not to do. Like I said, I have been there, I have done that and nothing moves me again. I have seen a lot of women in my life, and I am even tired of them.

Were you in relationships with the other women you told her about, and how many times did things like that happen?

Not necessarily. I have not seen any woman that can make me begin another relationship. That is why it is looking like I ‘will die here’ in this current marriage.

You had married three other times, before your current marriage. What led to the collapse of the other marriages?

It was basically because I was young, immature, silly and stupid. I married for all the wrong reasons. Even this present one that has lasted, I married her for the wrong reasons. That was the time I was getting into the show business scene, so I wanted a good-looking woman with a good physique. But, how long can that last?

I always say that if you have a list of 10 qualities your partner must have, and you meet someone that has only two of qualities at the top of your list, you should grab that person with both hands. That is because nobody gets 100 per cent. On would have to work the rest out.

What are the things that have kept your marriage going for over 46 years?

Some people say that for me to have been married for 46 years, I must really love my wife. But, I don’t operate on the basis of how people define love, because how can you love somebody in the morning and by afternoon, you cannot even stand the person. I see love as a feeling that does not last. And, people don’t want to put in the work that will sustain a relationship.

Even in my marriage, we have our problems. Just this morning, I told her that we needed a reboot, that I did not like the way ‘this thing is going’. I know she understands love, but I don’t. But, I understand loyalty and commitment, which is hard work.

One of your daughters generated a buzz some years ago when she revealed that she was a lesbian, and hinted that she did not have a good relationship with you. In the light of that, how would you describe your relationship with your children?

My parenting style is different from the one I grew up with, because my father was so strict. He ran the house like a military barracks, and I hated him for that. With the benefit of hindsight, that was because I was immature. Looking back now, I thank God for all the values and principles, he instilled in us.

With my children, I wanted them to be my friends. I did not want to frighten them. I think I’ve only hit two of them twice in my life. And, I swore never to lay my hands on them again, because part of it was what I got from my father.

I decided to go another route by being their best friend. So, they always tell me about what’s going on in their lives, which is what I had always wanted. When my daughter called me one day and said, ‘Daddy, I want to tell you something. Promise you’re not going to get upset’. I said to myself, ‘Oh my God, I hope she is not pregnant’. But, she said, ‘I am out of the closet’. I asked, ‘Have you been living in the closet’? I was pretending like I did not know what she was talking about. So, she just told me pointblank. But, we did not finish that discussion that night. So, I had time to think about it. I said, after all, my father was also against my Charly Boy image. 50 years ago, I was donning earrings, which was a taboo at the time. My father called me ‘mad’ and ‘mental’. So, I know better not to judge anybody. I then told my daughter that it was okay, if that is what she wants. I was only interested in her happiness.

I did not want to be hypocritical, because I was also indirectly fighting for gay people by standing up for the underdogs.

I am of the opinion that as long as you’re not doing anything to the detriment of any other person, you should live your life.

Are you working on anything as regards music?

Music was not a career for me. I always say that I am not a musician, but an artist. Music was just a vehicle I used to disseminate the things that were frustrating me in the country.

When news of comedian, AY’s marital crisis made the news, you stated that a broken marriage was not necessarily a reflection of failure. Can you expatiate on that?

No, it is not. It just means that the couple’s concerns are no longer on the same page. They want different things. It (divorce) means that certain habits have become toxic in that relationship. And when things become toxic, I advise people to move on. After all, Bill Gates (one of the world’s richest men) and his wife, Melinda, got divorced.

You also mentioned that you have feminine sides but are not gay, which some people misunderstood. Please, shed more light on that?

Society cannot dictate to me how I should live my life. I might be a Nigerian by birth, but my views are global. If I were gay, I would have carried a placard and ‘disturbed’ everybody. I would even have converted some people to being gay. I don’t pretend.

As regards my feminine side, it has always been there. When I was still hosting the Charly Boy Show on TV, I had a character I called ‘Miss Ziggy’. The character used to dress like a woman with wigs and make-up; and I tremendously enjoyed myself. But, that does not mean I am gay. I wear earrings, and sometimes, I wear make-up. It is my feminine side that gets me to understand the emotions of the opposite sex, and keep me grounded as a human being. That is why I am so emotional about things. That is why I cry like a woman over the things that affect me negatively. But, people have the right to believe and hold on to whatever they want.

How do you reconcile your belief in the potential for strong individuals to emerge from broken marriages with your own experiences of multiple marriages?

If a scorpion stings one on the butt, one will learn lessons. As one moves along in life, if one is constantly seeking more awareness and knowledge, one would realise that one is constantly changing.

What is your take on the recent arrests and prosecutions of individuals for naira abuse by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission?

They are not doing what they are supposed to do. If you remember correctly, some weeks before Bobrisky (a controversial cross dresser) was arrested and eventually sentenced to prison, there was a hike in the electricity tariff, and people were lamenting. But, the Bobrisky issue happened and everyone seemed to forget the earlier issue. Has spraying of money not been a part of our culture for many years? Even me, I have been spraying money. If I see the picture, I will show it to them (EFCC). Perhaps, they can arrest me. How does arresting people for that reduce the high cost of living in Nigeria? How does that put food on the tables of citizens?