HIGH RATE OF DIVORCEES IN THE NUPE KINGDOM
BY MOHAMMED ALIYU MAIRUBUTU
From time immemorial, Nupe women were known for their humbleness and self-esteem. They are regarded as house builders, not home breakers. Many tribes value their matrimonial personalities and make them their role model because of their nobility and integrity depositions. Their beautiful characters entice and force men from another clan to abandon their women and ask for their hand in marriage.
This is what they are known for. They embraced marriage with seriousness and commitment. They value it more than any form of relationship because they feel that it is the fulfillment of half of their faith and the surest way to become a completely responsible woman.
But, today marriage has been given a new definition and role in our community by young women in the kingdom.
Marriage which is supposed to be a rope of uniting man and woman as one or a platform for bringing two different families together has become a tool for dividing people and destroying peace and stability in our families by the young couples.
Also, a marriage that we all believe takes away young girls from the streets is now seen as a device for pumping girls on the streets.
Mainly, marriage gives control to ladies and prevents fornication and unwanted pregnancy in society but in the reverse case, many ladies see marriage as a training program where they acquire knowledge of sex and established sex enterprises after graduation. They left their husband's houses to be independent and make money for themselves through prostitution.
Painfully, every day we keep having new divorcees in families...On our streets, countless divorcees are roaming up and down.
We have to understand that divorce is toxic and contagious, it can deeply affect everyone in society. We have to look into its causes and give it a befitting solution. The earlier we do that the safe our kingdom becomes.
Many factors could make a marriage vulnerable and lead to its dissolution. For example...
Marriage processes/activities: The basis on which marriages are built has a link with his durability. A poor foundation always brings a wall crack and leads to the fall of buildings. The high financial implications and the introduction of compulsory demands for boxes at the wedding have a negative spiritual impact on the stability of marriage. God removes His blessings in a marriage where there is a demand for innovative things such as Huge dowry, bridal showers, and Nupe Day and dinner nights. All these are not there before but now that we have introduced them that is why we have divorces every day in our kingdom.
Inadequacy of knowledge of marriage: this day, young couples got married without pure knowledge of marriage and understanding of living together as a couple. All they know about marriage is the coming together of man and woman to have sex and make children. Men don't know they must take good care of their wives and children while women don't know men need respect more than sex. Many of our homes are broken today because of poor home management and bad character.
At times, poor communication also resulted in the separation of a man and a woman. Many young girls don't know how to talk or control their tongues. Wrongly choice of words or ill-mannered can quickly escalate into full-blown conflicts and brings divorce.
Love is not an issue in our marriage, there is true love but the character doesn't allow it to grow.
Nobody can bend. My husband can not control me, and my mother or father-in-law can't instruct me are the attitudes that make it difficult for unruly women to have a matrimonial home.
Unrealistic expectations: Sometimes, girls enter into marriages with unrealistic expectations about what their partner, relationship, or life together will be like. When these expectations are not met, it can lead to disappointment and disillusionment.
Money issues are a common source of stress in marriages. Disagreements over spending, debt, and budgeting can create a lot of tension which often leads to unfaithfulness and the total breakdown of wedded bonds.
Too much demand from women makes them worthless and kills the love in the heart of men. The desirous and classic living are among the things pushing our women on the street. There is no infidelity in the heart of Nupe girls before but greediness for worldly materials has pushed many of them into extramarital affairs and later, made them homeless.
Chatting and calling ex-boyfriends for unnecessary favors chipped away trust and eroded the foundation of a good marriage.
Something has to be done. If marrying can not be avoided then also divorcing in marriage shouldn't be expected.
Hardly, we can't eliminate imperfections in marriage but they can be controlled or resolved when there is knowledge and understanding.
I can say, dialogue is the best method when one has identified the source of the problem in the marriage. Communication and attention make the journey of resolving a dispute easy and simple.
Couples should be taught how to resolve issues in marriage and mechanisms to adopt in addressing the issue.
Young ladies in our families should be well-trained before marriage. They have to be taught how to cook, respect, and live with their husbands and relatives...
They must know, It takes a long time or a lifetime to join different hearts. So, they have to accept others' differences. Nagging and insulting are the beginning of every fight and frequent fighting mostly leads to the breaking of a marriage. Only tolerance can prevent sudden divorces.
I need this and I don't want that sometimes pulled out ladies out of marriage. Ladies have to guide their desire to avoid living in the streets as corporate prostitutes– Like money should be buried under the love of marriage.
Community leaders and family elders have to make sure all materialistic things introduced into our marriage rites are reduced and if possible eliminated to earn God's favour in marriage and curtain the excess divorcee in our families.
In my last statement, divorcing is never easy, taking steps to address and prevent the common causes can lead to healthier marriages and happier families.
Married men and women should work to maintain realistic expectations of themselves, their partner, and their relationship. They should understand that marriages require effort, compromise, and patience.
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