Someone calling me a hypocrite because of my stand on Mama Ukehe's situation, and another, a lady, said i should rest that the first wife wanted to frustrate the second wife but not knowing the second wife came prepared. You see?😂 how you people expose yourselves? And Mr, me a hypocrite? Really? 😂
Hypocrite like I'm a second wife? Oh, I laugh in heavenly place! No, my darling! I can not become a second wife in a marriage where the first wife is still alive, present, and living with her husband. No darling.
Now, let me make something very clear.
Being a second wife to a widower or a divorcee is a different conversation. There is absolutely nothing wrong with marrying someone whose previous marriage has ended or whose first wife has passed away.
But becoming a second wife to a man whose wife is still alive, whose marriage is still intact, and who is still sharing the same roof and bed with his first wife? To me, that is a life I would never willingly choose. And that's MY choice!
And please, don't come here with the argument that our forefathers married one billion wives and everybody lived happily ever after. That narrative is not the whole truth!
Some of our forefathers married more than one wife, while others married only one. So, please, do not generalise it as though every man in those days practised polygamy.
And again, have you ever sat down with your grandmothers or great-grandmothers, if you are fortunate enough to still have them, and genuinely asked whether they enjoyed being in polygamous marriages? Whether they had a choice? Whether they were truly happy?
Many women of their generation had very limited choices. They endured things they could not easily walk away from. So, please, don't confuse endurance with happiness.
Besides, my paternal grandfather married only one wife, and they remained together until they both passed away. On my maternal side, my grandfather also married only my grandmother, and they remained together until the end.
So, don't tell me every man must have multiple wives because of tradition.
If the alternative is becoming a second wife to a man whose family is still intact, I would rather stay with my children, live peacefully, and enjoy my life until the end of time. OGINIDI!
And who wants to sign up for a lifetime of juju flying up and down, competition, suspicion, rivalry, and unnecessary battles? Oh! if you haven't experienced it, pray you don't.
What exactly are you competing for? What are you trying to prove to the rightful wife? That you are prettier? More beautiful? More loving? More desirable?
And if you believe you are the best, don't worry. The third, fourth, and fifth wives may already be loading. So, get ready for the competition you willingly entered!
For me, polygamy, especially when it involves bringing another woman into an existing marriage, can be a living hell. And I'm not speaking from imagination. I'm speaking from experience.
I grew up in a polygamous family. My grandparents did not marry multiple wives, but unfortunately, my father, who, as I was told, loved my mother so much at the beginning of their marriage, fell into that temptation after a strange woman jazzed him. And that changed the atmosphere of our family.
Please, don't even get me started on what we experienced.
My beautiful, kind, meek and humble mother was the first wife. She was a woman of prayer. And I honestly believe that if not for God's protection and her prayers, the eleven of us, with me being the last, both boys and girls, might not have survived what we went through. We would have all gone by now.
I remember incidents from my childhood that I can never forget. I remember when that woman used juju against me, and I nearly became crippled. But God said NO!
Look at us today! God kept us alive, allowed us to grow, and gave us the strength to stand for our loving mother. All glory belongs to Him!
So, my lovelies, do not allow any man to cajole you into a situation you do not want. Do not let anybody sell you a beautiful story about polygamy while ignoring the emotional torture, psychological trauma, and family battles that can come with it.
I have seen enough to know what I do not want.
And yes, in the end, I believe God sees everything. Nobody can continually sow seeds of pain and expect that life will never bring a harvest. Karma doesn't joke, and it did its work!
Let me make another thing clear, I will always stand by what I believe is right, whether people love me for it or hate me for it.
Call me whatever name you like. It will not change my position.
If my stand on Mama Ukehe's situation offends you so deeply, the exit door is right there. You are free to leave my page. But please, don't come into my space expecting me to abandon my convictions just to make you comfortable. I WILL NOT!
And concerning the issue of having children, let me ask, If a man desperately wants more children and his wife cannot give him any, why not have an honest conversation, peacefully end the marriage if that is what both parties decide, and allow everyone to move on? He can then marry whoever he wishes to have children with instead of keeping his first wife in the marriage while subjecting her to a life of pain and agony.
There is nothing wrong with a man desiring children, especially if that is something he genuinely wants. But there is also nothing wrong with a woman deserving peace, dignity, and emotional well-being. Her life and happiness matter too!
And if your personal choice as a woman is to become a second wife, I have no problem with you, my darling. It is your life, your decision, and your responsibility. I will not insult you for your choice.
But equally, do not insult, pressure, or cajole me into accepting a choice I would never make for myself.
YOUR LIFE IS YOURS. MINE IS MINE.
We can disagree and still respect each other's decisions.
May God help us all, grant us wisdom, and may we each have the courage to live with the consequences of the choices we make.
I WILL ALWAYS STAND BY MY CONVICTIONS.
I SAID WHAT I SAID! ❤️
INITIAL POST:
I READ WHERE SOMEONE SAID PEOPLE WERE QUICK TO JUDGE THE SECOND WIFE WITHOUT FIRST HEARING HER SIDE OF THE STORY. The person went further to say she lived in a polygamous home and that the first wife is always wicked.
REALLY? ARE WE SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?
You may have lived around a polygamous family, perhaps as a family friend, but that doesn't necessarily mean you understand the pain and agony of being a woman whose husband brings another woman into her home while she is still alive and married to him, still living under the same roof, and has not even been divorced.
Remember in the Bible, in Genesis, when Hagar ( Sarah's maidservant), who later became Abraham's second wife/concubine, begins to mock. Sarah told her husband Abraham to send her away. Though Abraham was disturbed but even God told him to listen to his wife, Sarah!
Though God instructed him on what to do after and God also later took care of Hagar and Ishmael, her son. But the real deal is they never forever lived in that house that Sarah lived.
Let me ask you a sincere question, SHOW ME ONE WOMAN who will be all smiles, genuinely happy, and celebrating when her husband brings another woman into their marriage without her knowledge or consent and you think she will be happy? Show me! I am waiting.
Do you honestly expect her to jump up, throw a party, embrace the situation, and pretend that nothing has changed? Do you expect her to welcome the woman with open arms, cook for her, feed her grounded egg every morning, and thank her for sharing the same bed with the man she once called her husband?
PLEASE, LET US BE REAL!
Marriage is not a competition, and another woman's pain should never become your opportunity to display your superiority.
And let's be careful about the narratives we push. Today, you are quick to condemn the first wife, someone else's pain. Tomorrow, life may hand you that same bitter pill, and the same people you were entertaining with your opinions may sit back and watch how you swallow it.
Never, ever mock a woman because she has no child. Never mock a widow because she has lost her husband. These are deeply sensitive circumstances, and if you understand the place of God in human affairs, you will know that nobody should use another person's pain as entertainment.
Even if a woman is difficult, even if you consider her a temptation or believe she is not welcoming, you can choose to stay away. But do not expect her to celebrate your presence in a home where she is still trying to understand how her entire marriage has changed, or sleeping in the same bed she once slept with her husband.
And to the person who claimed to have grown up in a polygamous home, if you truly experienced the emotional weight of it as a child born and living through the realities, you would understand why this subject is not something to discuss with such careless certainty because YOUR BODY FOR DON TELL YOU!
You don't have to agree with everyone, but please, learn to have empathy. Not every first wife is wicked, and not every second wife is innocent. Do not mock pain you know nothing about.
Congratulations, Mama wetuoro Chukwu Obi. In your darkest hour, His mercy found you. May God turn our tears into testimonies in Jesus' name, Amen.
My lovelies, let us learn to be careful with people's pain. Life has a way of teaching lessons we never imagined we would have to learn.
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